A special thank you to everyone who took part in or will be taking part in the hockey questionnaire o’ doom – the response has been overwhelming! And don’t worry, there’s still time to get in on the madness; just have your responses in by 11:59 pm EST on Wednesday and they’ll join the rest.
Going forward we’ll be taking a sort of divide and conquer approach to the fantastic responses appearing in the Cheap Seats inbox daily, a way to assure that no one gets left out and we squeeze every last drop of entertainment out of this whole nutty thing.
Now don’t worry, all of your fantastic answers will have a place here after the deadline. However, some of your favorite bloggers (and mine) from around the league have graciously caved to blackmail filled out the questionnaire; and being the witty, wordy and wonderful beings they are, just posting snippets of their responses would be doing everyone an injustice.
And so the only solution is to give them their own posts – so let’s kick this whole thing off with Tic Tac Toe Hockey’s Jimmy Jazz. Take it away, JJ!
What is the first jersey you ever owned?
I was ten years old when I got a Caps sweater. I liked Bondra and Hunter, and I absolutely loved Simon, but I knew that no man could skate with the Caps for all eternity. “ICEMAN, 00″ Yep. The Iceman. Double zeros. Looking back, I wonder why the hell I didn’t just get the Simon sweater; people would now laud my appreciation of franchise history, not question my heterosexuality. I did, however, have the foresight to order a 54; the sweater has only recently become too snug.
What is the last piece of hockey memorabilia – jerseys, cards, figurines, etc. – you purchased?
I bought a game puck at KCI during one of the blood drives w/ Bonzai. He made it out to my brother. Very sharp.
Keep your ticket stubs or throw them away?
I really hate scrap-booking.
Who is the most underrated player in the league? The most overrated?
I think Spezza is pretty overrated. Any guy that centers Heater and Alfredsson can post a point per game. Most underrated? Defensive centers never get the credit they deserve. The Soviets once called Gainey the most complete player in the world, but my guess is that most casual fans don’t even know he’s a GM, never mind his impressive resumé: A Conn Smythe, five rings, and four Selkes. Where’s the love for guys like Steckel? He’s no Gainey, but the guy is rock solid in his own zone, and a beast on the dot. The Selke has been bastardized. Most years, the voting is either based entirely on reputation, or it’s seen as a runner-up for the Art Ross. This year Rod Brind’Amour, A GUY THAT ENDED THE YEAR WITH A BLOODY MINUS-23, finished sixteenth in Selke voting. Unbelievable. The Earth is flatter than my nerdy neighbor’s ass.
Forget predictions and rankings and who finished where last year – all logic aside, what two teams (one East, one West) would you love to see compete for the Cup this year?
Caps/Flames. I’m sure Caps/Hawks will the the popular choice, but give me Iggy over PK and Toews any day of the week.
Complete this sentence: The next Winter Classic should be between the Caps and B’s, and take place at Fenway.
Which team has the best mascot?
The only team mascot I’m familiar with (besides Slapshot) is Spartacat, who is very much the man. He has a few youtube clips that are great.
Who is your favorite all-time player? Who is your favorite active player?
Peter Bondra and Olie Kolzig are the only two individual parts that I’ve liked just as much as the Capitals whole. Don’t get me wrong, I love guys like Hunter, Ovechkin, Johansson, Kono, Clark, and Backstrom, but Olie and Bonzai seemed to transcend Hockey. Watching Bonzai blaze down the right side was religious ecstasy. Olie was just a rock. This probably sounds hyperbolic, but it’s the truth. Oh, and I invite all the haters to put guns in their mouthes and pull the triggers. A name placard? A contractual dispute? Yeah, let’s denigrate some franchise players. It’s a fantastic pastime. Forget about their on and off ice contributions. Please, please acknowledge only the negative. You’ll all have rich, fulfilling lives.
Give us your favorite hockey saying that doubles as a dirty euphemism.
“Semin gets pasted along the boards.” Or “smeared” — I guess it depends what kind of day Joe B. is having.
Everyone’s got a guilty pleasure – what player and/or team do you like that you really shouldn’t?
I really love seeing Avery do what he does best. As long as it’s not against the Caps, and as long as I’m fully cognizant of just how reprehensible he is as both a human being and team player, I love watching him vex the Kovalchuks and Brodeurs. After all, if one pestilential bottom feeder can make it, there’s hope for me yet.
What is your favorite hockey memory?
I have three memories that stand above the rest.
My first Caps game: 02/03/99
I had been a Caps fan for several years before I got to see a game in person. I won a pair of seats in a raffle, and at first, I was a little ticked that the first live game I would watch was against the Lightning on a weeknight. It turned out fine: Feb. 3, 1999 was the night that the Caps blasted the Bolts 10-1. Bonzai had four tallies — not bad at all. The lone Tampa fan in our section spent most of the game slurring, “Leeeeeeets go Liiiiiiiightning. Leeeeets go Liiiighting.” My mom found that hilarious. I still find it incredible that two Southeast teams have Cups. I really do.
Caps Clinch: 04/05/2008
The Caps finally return to the show. On my birthday. It was a Godlike sprint to the finish.
In the imperishable words of The Pixies, “Holy moley, Rocka my soul.” Their self titled album is grossly underrated. In fact, all of their work is grossly underrated.
USA tops Russia: 02/22/02
I remember the match, but my favorite part of that day wasn’t about Hockey. My dad — hardly a sports enthusiast — took me out to dinner that night. Although we were sitting in a booth, we could still see the TV screens in the bar quite well. Throughout the night, strangers in the restaurant and bar cheered when Richter made a save, or when Housley or Weight made a pretty play. Once every four years, most of America falls in love with Soccer. This wasn’t entirely different. My dad didn’t care about the Hockey, but it was important to him that the US won the game. We did.
Which team has the worst jersey? How about the worst third/specialty jersey?
The burnt yellow jersey Nashville had for a while was truly rebarbative: A giant kitty cat drinking from a sea of urine colored half-and-half. The Sens’ and Bolts’ third jerseys aren’t much better.
Roll out your favorite homemade player nickname(s)
“The Wawota Express” for Laich, “The Prestige” for Ovechkin — Washington Hockey disappeared, and Ovechkin made it come back. “Nobody cares about the man in the box.”
If you could move any uprooted team (e.g. Quebec Nordiques, Hartford Whalers, etc.) back to their original home, which one would you move?
Three way trade: The Devils and Avs swap cities, and Quebec acquires Phoenix. Let the west side (yes, “west side”) deal with Lou and Co.’s insufferable trap. Who needs Ambien when you have the Devils and Wild in the same division? Yikes.
What will Jeremy Roenick’s next career move be?
Aerobics video cassette weight loss program infomercial host. Just three easy payments, baby.
Have you ever stopped rooting for one hockey team and started rooting for another? If so, what made you switch?
I’ll never stopped rooting for the Caps, but it’s hard not to get interested in the B’s when you go to school in the area, and your roommate won’t shut the hell up about that time he met Bobby Orr. I’m still pretty jealous. I’ll take the Caps over the B’s 100 times out of 100, but I wished Boston no ill in May. Besides, how can anyone not like a team that has Thomas, Chara, and Lucic?
[CC's Note: I know how. Become a Habs fan.]
Do you follow other sports besides hockey or are you a one-sport fan?
Baseball and Soccer get some of my attention throughout the year. I used to follow the Premier League pretty closely, but I haven’t really kept up since the Caps have gotten hot. Go Arsenal. I like going to DC United games as well. It’s kind of surreal to see a DC team kick so much ass. To the amusement of some, and the irritation of many, I wore a black armband to school after DCU lost to Chicago in the 1998 MLS Cup finals. “Vamos/ Vamos United/ Esta noche/ Te-ne-mos-que ganar.” Good times. The O’s… I will always love the Orioles. I’m not going to change sides just because Montreal reached critical mass.
What is your favorite hockey reference in a non-hockey movie/TV episode?
Dispatch gives a shout-out to Ray Bourque before they sing “Lightning” in Gut The Van. Not a movie or TV show, but it’s still very cool.
What player from the other 29 teams would you love to have on your team?
Datsyuk. Close your eyes and picture a Datsyuk-Semin 1-2. The two best stick-handlers in the world setting each other up — no one would be able to see straight after a few shifts. I pray Datsyuk and Semin are linemates in Vancouver. And give me Leclair in his prime. People easily forget what a stud he was. An Ovechkin-Backstrom-Leclair top line would be unstoppable.
Superlative time!
* Best one-on-one offensive player – Ovechkin. Questions?
* Best one-on-one defenseman – Chara is the only guy who can consistently make life very difficult for Ovechkin.
* Best assist man – Crosby. Damn it all.
* Best pure goal scorer – Ovechkin
* Power-play specialist – Streit isn’t a terrible choice. Gonchar isn’t bad either.
* Shorthanded specialist – Peca, ten years ago.
* Worst referee – McCreary
* Goalie when you need one save – Hasek, ten years ago.
* When it gets chippy – Lucic
* Coach for a must-win game – Ruff. Babcock could get it done, too, but Ruff would mix it up some.
* Get under your skin guy – Avery
* The home crowd – The Wild
* Worst arena to play in as a visitor – The Joe
* Worst arena to play in as the home team – I made the trip down to Atlanta this year, and it was definitely on the leaner side.
And finally, quick picks. Do you prefer:
* Crosby or Ovechkin?
* Ovechkin or Malkin?
* Overtime or shootout?
* 4-on-3 or 5-on-4?
* Sakic or Yzerman?
* Kerry Fraser or Bill McCreary? Are you high?
* Montreal Forum or Maple Leaf Gardens? I’d love to find out someday.
* Roy or Brodeur? I’d take Hasek in his prime over every goalie to ever flex between the iron.
* Touch-up icing or no-touch icing?
* Fedorov or Mogilny? “Ooohhh mmyyyyy… Alllllexxaaaander Mogillllllnnnnny! Who says this guy’s afraid to fly?!? He left a vapor trail!!!”
* Top shelf or five hole?
* Eddie Olczyk or Pierre McGuire?
* Slapshot or wrist shot?
* Orr or Coffey?
* Coffee or tea?
* Canada or Russia? I like Canada’s wholesomely hot girl next door types more than Russia’s “I just walked off of a photo-shoot for Prada” types. As for the Hockey aspect, I honestly don’t know. If we’re going to stick with the usual stereotypes, it’s safe to say that Ovechkin plays more like a Canadian than he does a Russian. Does that mean I prefer Russians or Canadians? I just like good Hockey.
* Miracle or Mighty Ducks? Just watched The Rocket and found it to be very entertaining. The worst hockey flick? Mystery Alaska. I came to this conclusion before Palin was on the ticket, just so everyone knows. Mighty Ducks 3 gets the runner-up.
Stay tuned for more featured bloggers and of course, your responses!